What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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