Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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