Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
