you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
