the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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