Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
