I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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