Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
