i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
