Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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