I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize