One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm always down for nudity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
