hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
