we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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