and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize