R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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