Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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