can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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