Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need water and some morals
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
