First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
