His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
