My cat gives me a boner
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need water and some morals
Randomize
