My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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