People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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