I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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