next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dick very happy bro
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
