dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
