Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
