I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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