Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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