Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize