I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my liver is dry heaving
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
