New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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