youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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