My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
