if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
