I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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