dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
