ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
