Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just googled if crying burns calories
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
