$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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