THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
