I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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