you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
