Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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