He is an equal opportunity slut.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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