Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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