I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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