Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Green mimosas i think yes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
