I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
