Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
