After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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