I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Randomize
