I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
