dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Found your dick twin last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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