I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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