nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you win again, gameday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
