Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
