roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
