He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
