Your face is a jimmy john
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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