Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
