is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
