it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
