Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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