Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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