yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh god it's open bar.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
