I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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