I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
