matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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