Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
