Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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