It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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