DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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