The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
