on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
