you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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