3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
