I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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