Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Enjoy the penises
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
