you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
