she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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