I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she peed on how many people?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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