Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
