If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
