in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
