4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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