we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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