she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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