i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
