I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He better not be in your backpack
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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