GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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