I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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