We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
